Close Heart
by Maruis-Amadeus
Summary: Love is a funny thing, it comes when you least expected to the most unexpected people. Tom the idea of loving Harry but not much more than the thought of loosing that feeling.


**Close Heart**

Pairing: Tom Marvolo Riddle/Harry Potter, Fenrir Greyback/Remus Lupin

Summary: Love is a funny thing, it comes when you least expected to the most unexpected people.

* * *

When Tom Riddle was eight years old, he saw his mother wiping the trace of tear on her purple bruise eye which she had receive from the end of his drug addicted abusive father's fist. Tom had asked

"Why do you let him do this to you mama, why can't he just leave us alone?"

"Tom Marvolo Riddle, don't said that about your father" His mother said, avoiding her son's eyes to make sure the child did not see the bruise even though Tom knew it was a futile.

"Because he's still your father, He's our family, to let something like that go, my child, is very difficult. He's not himself"

"Why are you defending him, mama? You're trying to prevent me from seeing what he's doing to you but I can see it all, mama. Look what he's doing to you, he'll kill you" Tom shouted, frustrated at his mum for letting his father do as he pleased.

"He has been my whole life. Thomas, the thought of him not being here seem painful, I rather have him drugged than away. When he's here with us, there is still hope"

"But you have me too" Tom looked at his mum, he never cried and he wouldn't start now but he got used to pain, his mother's pain was his own pain.

"Yes, and you are my whole joy but loving someone wholeheartedly, means love them even their broken self. Love is not just in happiest time. When I walked on that altar with your father, I accept him, with his failure, ugly points."

"Even when they are hurting you" Tom mumbled quietly

"Yes, love is a funny thing, my darling child, because I see perfection through the imperfectness, you can't give up when things become tough. Sometimes it hurt to the point you cannot breath, but looking at the thing you went through with that person, that person being your whole world, you forget the pain. You still see them beautiful, that is the downfall of us all." His mother took him by the hand and let him away from her room. "There's still hope"

"But you can't fix it, mama" Tom turned to look at his mother with sadness. "You can't fix him, He's broken"

"I will take him even with the broken pieces, my darling, he gave me joy, he gave me you" His mother smiled, the smile of a strong woman yet with a broken soul.

"Then I will guard my heart, I won't let someone hurt me like that. I think love is silly, how can you love someone even when they hurt you, that's just stupid. I think I prefer to be impenetrable" Tom crutched his nose in a sort of a disgusted expression.

"Oh, you silly child" his mother lifted him up and placed on the dinning chair and leaned in to place her bruise lips on top of his brushed dark unburned hair.

"One day you'll learn, child. One day you will understand" he heard his mother whisper.

* * *

When Tom was ten years old, his mother died of cancer and the pain of living alone seems too much to hand, his father shot himself. Tom was at school when that happens. Tom saw the abuse; he did not see the disease. Tom did not cry, but he didn't forget.

When Tom was eleven, as the social services were still looking for a long forgotten family for him to live with, he was dragged from one foster parent, to another. Some were nice, some where horrible, some were downright evil. Tom hated his second foster parents, the man was just even more abusive than his father, for his father, he could blame the drug because when he wasn't on drug, Tom Marvolo Riddle Sr was just like any regular loving man, he loved his mother, Merope Gaunt Riddle, he was careful around Tom, spending his time apologizing, making up his mistakes and horrifying actions to Tom, showering his wife with flower, gifts, kisses, making promises of changing, of going to rehab, and yet every time he relapse there was the monster. However Mr Crouch was terrifyingly evil, he hated Tom, he will beat Tom to the point of the boy passing out, and then go and raped his own daughter, meanwhile his wife was covered in bruise, completely afraid, how the woman didn't report the man, Tom would never know.

It was at some point that the man tried to rape Tom, which Tom threatened the man with his own gun and possible shot him on his left leg. Tom was sent back to another foster parent after that. The third one, hated Tom with passion, they starved him, they didn't physically abused him but emotionally and Tom at 12, killed both man and the wife. At 12 Tom was sentence for 5 years in prison, it was suppose to be longer than that but since he pleaded guilty and recorded all the thing the Jenkins did to him, they gave him a shorter sentence. Tom did not cry nor feel.

* * *

At 16 years old, after spending life in prison, Tom's report shown that he was an antisocial child, incapable of emotion, he didn't love, all his therapists agreed on that, his case was close, he was surrounded by cold, he was juvenile boy. Even the judge feared him; they were even no longer surprise whenever the young teenager male was brought up in court for one offence to another. Tom could careless. He didn't waste his time on emotion, all he did was go, steal, fuck, and do crimes, causing trouble to one of his foster parent to another that was till they find one of his long lost relative, his uncle.

His father's brother and his wife, the Malfoy with their thirteen years old son Draco.

The Malfoy tried their best to make him welcome, but Tom point blanc pointed out to them that he would be leaving when he reach major age to live on his own. His father's brother nodded and just let him be. The wife tried harder but Tom just smirked cruelly at him, Draco didn't understand why his cousin was like that, but the boy tried his harder to talk to Tom as he finally found himself having at least someone older and he can share stories or things with but Tom attitude just point blankly told him not to approach, Draco decided to be by himself to avoid the trouble and Tom liked it like that.

* * *

At 16 years old Tom met Harry James Potter, the new neighbour at Privet Drive, opposite the Malfoy Manor. Harry was a quiet kid, bullied by the group of pretend-to-be gang teens that hanged around the neighbourhood. The little slender boy with glasses crawled into Tom's heart and took that cold heart in his hand and didn't let go, how that happens tom will never know. The two stayed friends after Tom rescued Harry from committing suicide and beating up two boys who bullied Harry to the point of the boy thinking of ending his life.

Tom was arrested after, Harry parents understood, they bought him out of the court case after Harry testified that the young male was only trying to protect him after those two boys bullied him because he was gay. As the Malfoy were very respectful and wealthy family, they kicked him out, and Tom stayed with the Potter. When Tom realised that Harry had changed everything, Lilly Potter reminded him a bit of his mother, meanwhile James became a father figure to him, as James was a juvenile teenager himself, he knew what Tom went through, but the bond Harry and Tom had, was different.

* * *

When Tom was twenty, Tom life turned the better, he had a great job at the garage, saving up to study engineer, Harry was outside England at a boarding school. when Harry came back, the first thing he did was reach out to Tom and tell him everything, seeing Harry again, the way he spoke, his posture, his new look, Tom could not deny that he loves Harry, unconditionally, stupidly and unnecessary. He loves him with his entire breath, his ruthless heart; Harry was the warmth of his icy heart. It was a brutal revelation.

* * *

When Harry was twenty one, he showed Tom the ring, Cedric Digorry had given him, he had proposed to Harry. Tom had felt like someone had taken a spear and pierce it cruelly into his heart, someone had punched him right to where it hurt extremely. His heart was ripped apart and blooded, yet Harry couldn't see, all he saw was the happy smile behind the pain.

"Do you think I should?"

"You should trust your heart, Harry. I have no say, if you love him then I guess it's a good enough reason to accept his proposal" Tom said, turning his back to Harry, he closed his eyes and clenched his teeth

"Then I'm asking, what would you do in my place" Harry sighed, if he could just stop talking, it was angering Tom further, the boy didn't realize the dilemma Tom was in

"I wouldn't do anything because I can never be in that position, I was not made to love, Harry" Tom turned around and look at the young boy in front of him, Harry eyes looked sad and furious

"Don't say that, you are loved, very much love. I'm asking because you matter, your opinion matter to me" Harry said heatedly

"Does it, Harry!" Tom mumbled, looking tensely at the boy.

"Yes" Harry shouted, and looked at him incredibly like he couldn't believe Tom was even saying such a thing

There was long tense silence, the two staring at each other, not knowing where to start

"All I want...All I want is for you to just..." Harry trailed and looked away. "It doesn't matter, I was hoping for something that I know, it could never be."

Tom narrowed his eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"Tom, this is the last time, put all your tough douche self aside from one second and tell me the truth" the emerald eyes pierced on Tom "Do you want me to marry Cedric, are you happy."

"It's your life. Do as you please, it's not my business." Tom repeats again, robotic, his eyes said otherwise

Harry made an annoying sound. "God, why can't you for one moment answer the question, why do you always have to make thing difficult."

"I don't know, Harry. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, that you're not happy, that you don't want to let me go" Harry argued angrily

"Why would I say that, I would say that if there was something going on, but there is nothing" Tom snarled

Harry put his face in his hand aggressively. "You know what, I don't care anymore. I will go and marry him."

"You do that" Tom said, his expression snarling, he stopped himself from growling aggressively

Harry looked at him with tears behind his glasses. "Tom..."

"Congratulation on your engagement" Tom added stoically and meaninglessly

"Is that all you have to say" Harry moved, standing closer, air breath away from the taller older man, Tom looked down at him for a longer moment, then looked away. He wanted...It doesn't matter what he wanted

It took a while for Tom to say, it was as if it took his whole being to utter the one word. "Yes"

Harry stared again, it broke Tom's heart. Tom knew he was missing something, He knew he could not tell his feeling. it was not fair to Harry, so many reason why Tom could not express himself, first of all, Harry was young, Harry deserve better, Tom would just tie him down. Harry was beautiful, Tom was ugly, Tom doesn't deserve to love, Harry deserves everything. Finally Harry saw Tom has an older brother figure, he didn't see Tom.

"Fine. Guess I was wrong" Harry chuckled humorlessly and walked out the apartment

When the door close, all shattered, Tom felt himself broke, broke in the most possible outrage way. Tom slammed his fist on the wall in rage, he slammed and shouted till his voice was hoarse, and his hand was bruise, for while he stood there shaking, furious at himself, furious at his parent, furious at Harry. It took him a while to calm down and when he did, he lifts his other hand on his cheek when he felt a tickle, he looked at his finger, and there was water

* * *

The day Harry told Tom about his engagement, for the first time, Tom's heart had felt, Tom had cried.

* * *

On the engagement party, Tom was not there, Harry did not speak to him for two weeks and Tom felt like his whole world had stop. He focus all himself on his job, apart from the job, he didn't function properly.

They spoke two weeks before Harry's birthday. The time spent apart, Tom felt like he didn't breath properly. The boy, Merlin, Harry was the one to call even though he did nothing wrong, Tom was the one who was a bastard and yet Harry as always called and apologized and invite him on his birthday bash.

"Tom, I'm sorry" The boy muttered quietly, if Tom didn't have the phone pressed to tightly on his ear, trying to captive every breathing sound the younger boy was letting on, he closed his eyes and swallowed, how he survived without the younger Potter, Tom didn't know.

"I know, I;'m sorry too" Tom said.

"OK", Harry paused for a moment. the two stayed there listening to each other breath, it was a comfortable silence between then.

"Mum's holding up a birthday party for me, I want you there"

"I won't miss it to the world." Tom said softly back.

"Invite Fenrir too." Harry said, he heard Fenrir shouted at the back. "I'm there pup"

Harry let out a chuckle that Tom didn't find adorable. seriously.

"Shut up, you son of bitch. I'm on the phone" Tom growled at the other man

"Yeah, I bet that's Harry" Harry heard Fenrir yelled at the back, "That's why you're hogging the phone tightly"

Tom ignored him and continue listening to the other boy at the other hand breathing. was it creepy to hear every in and out breathing of harry. Tom was going mental

"How's everything" Tom tried to start the conversation, he flinched at how awkward and stupid he sounded.

"Good, I got a new stereo" Harry said

"Good, as the last one was a nightmare" Tom added and the two laughed a little at the inside joke, both thought back a memory.

"Mum's in the flat helping me pack, I'll see you later." Harry before he hanged up.

"What, what packed" Tom narrowed his eyes, befuddled.

"I thought you knew I'm moving out to Gloucester" Harry frowned at him on the phone.

"No, I didn't know that" Tom said, "Well if I should remind you, that we haven't really been the best friend these past few weeks."

"And whose fault is that" Harry snapped.

"Don't start" Tom said coldly

"I have to go, I'll see you later" And that was the end of the conversation and Tom thought there wasn't any point Harry calling to apologize as it was all back to square one.

When Tom hanged the phone down, that was the moment he realized that Gloucester was where Diggory live, Harry was moving in with Digorry. Things seemed that much serious. In that moment, Tom lost the will to live

* * *

On the party, Tom clenched on his wine glass to the point it break into piece and one piece caught on palm and blood spread, he didn't notice anything, his eyes was glaring dagger at Diggory hand on his waist, talking to some couple, Tom could see Harry bored expression but he put on the mask of being delight and into the conversation. Harry turned a look at him when he felt Tom's gaze on them, the boy just shook his head and sighed

Tom turned around, disgust at himself and completely resentful at the whole event, he went to wipe his hand on the towel. When his friend, Fenrir Greyback, the young male he met ever since he started to work at the garage, to two of them had done their best to build up an enterprise together of cars. As Fenrir had tough past full of crimes as him, they hit it off and became good friends.

"You're an idiot" the other man said, looking at the man taking a tissue from the dining table to wipe the little blood from his hand

"Excuse me" Tom glared at the man

"If you don't do something, you will regret it" Fenrir said

"I don't know what you're on about mate"

"Yes, and denial is not just a river in Egypt" Fenrir snorted. "I don't know what going on between you two but,"

"There's nothing going on" Tom snarled angrily

"Your tone is saying otherwise. Why can't you just tell him how you feel, you had feeling for him for longer than you let on, Riddle. Do something about it, don't be a douche" Fenrir mumbled to him

"An you're the voice of reason now" Tom said sarcastically

"I know I'm not the "ideal" person to give you advice" Tom snorted at that. "But if you don't do something mate, you going to regret this. Aren't you the one who told me to get off my horse shit and ask Remus out before I lose him and regret it for the rest of my life? Take your own advice."

"That's different"

"And why's that?" Fenrir said, now annoyed, "Was because Remus had a tough life too, what makes Harry different, is it because he's delicate."

"No just that, he's fragile, he's everything to me, He's not broken, Greyback. I'm broken, if he's with me, I'll break him, I break everything I own, I don't want...He's whole, He can't fix me, He could never, I just...He's too...he's different."

"Listen to yourself, do you even hear yourself. You're so into the guy, I feel like puking rainbow." Fenrir made a gagging sound. "Do you hear yourself?"

Tom looked toward the couple again for a while and sighed before turning back to Greyback. "It will never work"

"Why can't you let yourself be happy for once?"

"Because people like me don't deserve to be happy. I' don't want to be my father" Tom said

"What does that means" Fenrir frowned and narrowed his eyes at him

"Nothing" Tom pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes in deep thought. He didn't want the story to repeat itself; He didn't want to be his father and Harry end up being his mother. No, he couldn't. Tom had baggage.

Fenrir looked at him for a while. "You're unbelievable."

"You know sometimes, the best to do for the person you love is to let them go, let them live their life, I' doing that"

Fenrir shake his head with sigh. "You know sometimes, its better to be selfish. If you don't do something you will regret this, Tom. Don't lose him." then the man walked away.

Tom whispered angrily. "How can I lose him when I never had him to begin?"

He shook his head, dawned on the next wine glass he took to crush down whatever annoying itching in his heart and put back the happy mask he mastered when he saw Harry walking toward him. if he saw Harry sad eyes and frowned expression, he probably imagine it.

That night, back to his apartment, he drank himself to sleep. The next morning he walk up with dry mouth, hoarse voice from his angry screaming, dry tears and wrecked bottle just like his heart.

Harry had indeed made him feel.

XXXXXX


End file.
